英语话剧剧本5人:似是而非(Yes Means No)

TEDDY: (Coming to his father's desk L.)
   
    Dad, there's something I want to tell you.
   
    LAWSON: Oh, is that so! What is it?
   
    TEDDY: Well, Dad, I've just proposed to Edith Merrill and she's accepted me.
   
    LAWSON: Going to get married, eh? When do you intend doing this?
   
    TEDDY: Right away. That's why I wanted to see you, and of course I know you'll finance the honeymoon.
   
    LAWSON: Oh... I will, will I? (Pounds desk, rises and comes to Teddy C.) I'll tell you that I'm ashamed of you. You haven't any backbone... you can't say NO! I left you in charge of my business last week just to see how you'd conduct it. And you did great. Ha!... If I'd stayed away another week, you'd have ruined me (Strolls up C.)
   
    TEDDY: I did the best I could!
   
    LAWSON: Then you'd make a fine business man. (Coming down C.)The most essential thing in a business man's life is to be able to say "NO." At all times NO. Especially in a credit business like mine. But you said YES to everyone who asked for extra time. (Takes a few steps L.)
   
    TEDDY: But they always cried to me and I just couldn't say "no."
   
    LAWSON: Well, you'll learn to say "no" before I finance any honeymoon. (Lawson is below desk L. Phone rings, Lawson turns to his desk, grabs phone quickly and sits down.)Lawson talking...! (Listens a second.) NO!!!I... said...NO. (Listens again.)Then I'll foreclose. That's final.. NO! (Lawson hangs up receiver. Turns to Teddy.)That's how I make my money.. being able to say NO.. NO.. NO. (Pounds desk with each "No!" Rises and comes to Teddy C.) And that's the way I want my son to be before he shoulders the responsibility of marriage.
   
    TEDDY: Well, give me another chance, Dad... and I'll try to make good.
   
    LAWSON: (He sneers the last word and takes a stroH up C.) Do you mean it?
    
    TEDDY: You betl do
   
    LAWSON: (Coming down L of Teddy.)
   
    TEDDY: All right... I'll give you another chance. You want money for a honeymoon?.. .Very well! You take charge of this office while I go to lunch and I'll give you one hundred dollars for every time you say NO.
   
    LAWSON: One hundred dollars?
   
    TEDDY: Right! Do you think you can do it?
   
    LAWSON: I'll try.
   
    TEDDY: (Crosses R to Miss Collins.) Miss Collins, I want you to remain in this office with my son while I'm gone. You can sit at my desk. (Miss Collins doesn't move immediately.) NOW!(She jumps and crosses stage.)
   
    COLLINS: Yes, sir!
   
    LAWSON: (Crosses L.) And I don't want you to leave it for a second. Understand? (Miss Collins nods.) And I want you to keep strict account of every time my son says NO. But remember, if he answers YES just once... he forfeits every "NO." (Turning to Teddy.)Are you on?
   
    TEDDY: Yes. (He realizes what he has said and clasps hand over his mouth.)
   
    LAWSON: (Crossing R to door, taking coat and hat from hall-tree.) Very well. You'll be in charge here for one-half hour... (Looks at watch.) Now remember... not one "Yes."... It must be "NO" to everything. (Lawson exits and slams door.) (Teddy stands for a second smiling. Phone rings, and he rushes across stage to phone on desk L, and picking it up shouts into it.
   
    TEDDY: NO.. POSITIVELY NO! (Hangs up. Strolls across stage, grinning at Miss Collins, who is amazed.) That's two... put them down.
   
    COLLINS: (Writing.) Yes, sir.(Phone rings. Teddy grabs it again, while Miss Collins warns him to be careful.) You better hear who it is, sir. It may be important.
   
    TEDDY: Hello? (Repeating what is said to him.) Is Mr. Lawson in? NO! Do I mind speaking for him? NO! What?... NO!
   
    COLLINS: (Rising and pleading.) Don't you think you'd better hang up, sir?
   
    TEDDY: (To Miss Collins.) No. Put them all down... there were five of them. (Into phone.) No, no, no! (Raising three fingers to Miss Collins.) I wasn't talking to you... I was talking to Mr. Lawson's secretary. What? No! I should worry? No! (Hangs up. Laughing heartily at his results so far.)
   
    COLLINS: (Fearfully.) Aren't you going a little too far, sir?
   
    TEDDY: No! There's another. Are you keeping strict account of them? (Crosses to desk L.) How many are there?

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