初中英语优秀作文评析三

减小字体

增大字体作者：本站收集整理来源：本站收集整理发布时间：2010-04-29 20:29:04

初中英语优秀作文评析（四）——提示作文1

【习作要求】

　　马虎搞到两张全兴队对国安队的足球比赛入场券。他电话通知好友赵华洋，约他放学后在新华公园门口碰头，一起吃晚饭，然后去看球赛。二人在饭店美美吃了一顿，到付账时马虎才发现自己把钱夹忘在了家里，入场券也在他的钱夹中。

　　【学生习作】

　　Ma Hu got two tickets of (1) a wonderful football match between Quanxing and Guoan. He was thinking of invite (2) his good friend Zhao Huayang to watch it together. He gave him a call and told him to meet at the gate of Xinhua Park after class and then had dinner (3) together.

　　They met each other on time and had good dinner (4) in a restaurant. When the waiter brought them the bill. Ma Hu found that he left (5) his wallet at home. The two tickets kept (6) in the wallet, too.

（1）of在这里不是表示所有关系，所以应把of改成for，表示“用途”。
（2）动词invite在介词of的后面，应把它变为–ing形式。
（3）连词and连接的应该是两个并列的动词不定式，所以应把had改为to have。
（4）这里注意dinner前面有形容词修饰时，那么应在形容词前面加a。
（5）应把left改成had left。因为到“发现”时为止前面的动作已经完成，要用过去完成时态。
（6）此处是被动语态，应加上were。

　　【名师点评】

　　这是一篇根据汉语提示写作的作文，也是中考题中常常采用的一种写作方式。写作中要求要点齐全，时态准确，短语、句型运用较为恰当即可得高分。本文要点齐全，较好地体现了写作要求。只是文中细小错误较多，这会影响获取高分。路客英语资源网 www.luke555.com

初中英语优秀作文评析（四）——提示作文2

【习作要求】

　　以“My Mother”为题，写一篇120字左右的短文。需包括以下要点：
　　(1) 妈妈的身材不高，稍胖，圆脸，长发。
　　(2) 妈妈是家庭主妇，每天起床很早，为全家人做饭。
　　(3) 早饭前做些家务，饭后送孩子上学。虽然她没有很多钱，却常给我们买好衣服和学习用品。
　　(4) 妈妈晚上睡得晚，她总有很多活要做。
　　(5) 妈妈勤劳，我爱妈妈。

　　【学生习作】

My Mother

　　 My mother is not tall and short (1). She is a little fat. She has a round face and long hairs (2).

　　My mother is a housewife. She is very busy every day. She get to(3) up very early every morning. She gets up at about five thirty. After that she begins to cook for the family.

　　Before breakfast, she does some housework. After breakfast, she sends our children (4) to school. She always tells us study hard (5). She has not many (6) money, but she often buys us some nice clothes and school things.

　　My mother goes to bed very late every night. She always has a lot of work to be done. (7)

　　My mother is hard-working. I love her very much.

（1）如果说“她中等身材”，应该说： She is of medium height.
（2）hair是不可数名词，不能用复数形式。
（3）改为gets。主语是第三人称单数时，动词也应变为相应的三单形式。
（4）此处“我们孩子”是同位词组，“我们”与“孩子”之间是同位关系，应将其改成：us children。
（5）这里应使用动词不定式，即tell us to do something。
（6）money 为不可数名词，前面应用much修饰，而不能用many。
（7）这里的动词不定式to do的逻辑主语是she，它们之间是主动关系，所以动词不定式应用主动形式。

　　【名师点评】

　　作者以细腻的笔法描写了一位勤劳而又善良的母亲，全文充满了对母亲的感激之情，语言流畅，表达生动，很有教育意义。小作者文中存在如第2处第6处等名词方面的错误，以及第5处、第7处等动词不定式方面的错误，小作者写完之后要是能够认真检查，多修改几遍，这些错误是可以避免的。

初中英语优秀作文评析（四）——提示作文3

【习作要求】

　　你校与加拿大某中学结成姊妹学校，加方校刊来信了解你校的课外活动情况及你们的建议，请你根据下面表格中提供的内容用英语写一篇80词左右的短文。文章的开头已给出（不计入总词数）

　　生词：兴趣小组 interest group　英语角 English corner　活动 activity (n.)

活动时间	4∶50 p.m—5∶50p.m
主要内容	1．体育类（篮球、足球等） 2．兴趣小组（绘画、歌舞、电脑等） 3．英语角（周三下午）
建议	1．增加课外活动时间 2．减少作业量

　　I'd like to tell you something about the out-of –class activities in our school.

　　【参考范文】

　　We usually have our activities from 4∶50—5∶50 in the afternoon. We have different kinds of activities. Some students are interested in sports. They play basketball and football. We also have some interest groups, such as drawing, singing and dancing. And now, computer is the most popular. On Wednesday afternoon we go to English corner. We like talking in English there. We hope we can spend more time on such activities and less time on homework.

　　【名师点评】

　　根据题目要求。这是一篇说明性质的书面表达，要介绍的是课外活动的时间、内容及自己的建议。首先要做到的是细读表格，明确要点。在行文时要注意表达举行课外活动要用have activities，表达起止时间要用from... to，在表达这三种主要活动内容时，为使行文流畅，最好加进we have different kinds of activities（我们举行不同种类的课外活动）这样一句话。紧接着要过渡到说明体育类（篮球、足球），如果表达出“有些学生从事体育活动（have sports）”或“有些学生热衷于…（are interested in...）”就较好。至于说打篮球、踢足球较容易表达出来，可以直接表达They play basketball and football，也可以表达成Basketball and football are the most popular. 要表达“兴趣小组”时，注意用提示词interest groups，要表达兴趣小组的三种内容，最好用例如（such as...），三种内容作为名词来表达时要注意用动名词形式（drawing, singing, dancing）。在表达英语角时注意用提示词English corner，“在周三”注意用介词on。在表达“建议”时，用自己熟悉的词hope，要表达“增加…时间”，“减少…量”，此时要注意到同一意义可有不同的表达方式，如转换成“在课外活动上多花时间”“在作业上少花点时间”的表达形式，与原意保持一致且与自己所学内容较贴近而不大容易出错，“在……方面花时间”注意用短语 spend...on。

　　提示的要点往往是非常简略的，要使行文流畅、自然，需适当加进一些话，另外当不能直接表达出需要表达的意义时，要考虑用自己熟悉的又不会改变意义的另一种表达形式，须知同一意义可以有很多种的表达方式。

初中英语优秀作文评析（五）——自由作文1

【习作要求】

　　Write eight or more sentences about the season you like best.

　　内容要点
　　1．四个季节中任选一个季节。
　　2．被选季节的特点（气候、时间、事物、活动等）。
　　3．人们在此季节所从事的活动。
　　4．作者自己喜爱的活动和感受。

　　【参考范文】

　　I like winter best. Though it is very cold, it is good for skating. I often go skating on Sundays with my father. When it snows, everything turns white. Trees and houses are covered with thick snow. How beautiful the world looks! My friends and I like to make snowmen. Sometimes we make snowballs and throw them at each other. That's a very interesting game. I like winter holiday very much because the Spring Festival is the happiest time of the year.

　　【名师点评】

　　这是一篇描写季节的文章，文章难度一般。要求从自己的角度描写季节和感受季节。应注意以下几个问题：
　　(1)确定全文的时态。此文一般选用一般现在时。
　　(2)除了对季节的描述，一定要有自己的见解，这是得分的重要内容和关键所在。
路客英语资源网 www.luke555.com
　　作者用流畅的语言描述了冬天的景色。全文意思表达清楚，结构紧密。

初中英语优秀作文评析（五）——自由作文2

【习作要求】

　　Write about what you are going to do after you leave school.

　　【参考范文】

　　When I finish school, I want to be a teacher. Though teachers are poorly paid and they have no power, teachers are kind, respectable and learned, like angels. They lead the pathway to succeed. It's quite sure that teachers are very important in modern world. We can't develop our country without knowledge. Teachers teach us knowledge. I like all of my teachers in my school. I would like to be an English teacher. It's very important for the students to learn English well today. I'll try my best to be an ideal teacher. My students can make our country better in the future.

　　【名师点评】

　　这是一篇阐述观点的议论文，作者用简洁而流畅的语言表达了长大后想成为一名老师的愿望。论据充分，观点明确，并且字里行间渗透了对祖国的无比热爱之情和把祖国建设更加美好的决心。

初中英语优秀作文评析（五）——自由作文3

【习作要求】

　　请以My….为题写一篇短文。要求：有时间、地点、人物，字数不少于80个单词。

　　【学生习作】

My Mother’s Birthday

My mother is busy. She always busy works. (1) She often forgets her birthday.
　　Last Sunday was my mother’s birthday. I invited several friends to have a birthday party for her.
　　It was five o’clock. Everything was ready. The candles were on the cake. When my mother came back to home (2), she was very surprise (3). She asked, “Whose birthday is it today?” We said, “Happy birthday to you!” She was very happy. At that time Lily gave my mother a nice present and said, “I hope you will like it” “ Thank you. Can I open it now?” My mother asked.
　　“Certainly.” Lily said. “Oh, it’s a toy panda. How (4) a beautiful panda!” my mother said.
　　Meimei asked us, “Would you like singing?”(5) “Yes, we would love.”(6) We said. We all sang with my mother.
　　That night my mother sang and danced like a little girl. She looked more (7) younger than before.

（1）把always busy works改为 is always busy working，因为busy是形容词作表语，“忙于做某事”应该用be busy doing形式来表示。
（2）要把to去掉。 home在此句中是副词，不需要加to。
（3）本句surprise在系动词之后，要把surprise改成 surprised。 surprise具有名词、动词词性，其形容词有两个，他们分别是 surprised 和surprising，其中前者多用来指人，后者多用来指事。
（4）把how改成 what。在感叹句中how是用来修饰形容词或副词的，而what是用来修饰名词的。名词前可以有其他定语，单数可数名词前记住要加上 a或 an。
（5）把singing改成to sing some songs,　 Would you like…后接动词时要加to。
（6）在love后面加上to。对 “Would you like …?”问句的肯定回答应为would like (love) 后加 to，因为这是口语中动词不定式的省略，也就是说to后面的动词短语省略了。
（7）把more改成much，因为more不能用来修饰比较级。能够用来修饰比较级的有：a little, a bit, much, rather，far和even等。